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Monday, July 18th, 2005

Subject:RIP Maggie Anna McGernahan - 6-11-05
Time:10:17 am.
Ill miss you mum and I promise Ill make you proud I am your son.

No more trips back for a long while. Alot of memories I need to bury and people I dun eed to see.

Im on AIM on occasion now: Twenty6Plus6is1. Drop me a line.
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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005

Time:8:44 pm.
So a little update...

I bought a truck for 300 and I have been driving alot in my off hours checking about the scenery. Its been nice weather all week here till the weekends when it gets violently shitty. Lovely, that.

I dropped a slider on my toes the other week and lost the nail and it was all septic. Its just now coming right, but hurts like a bastard... all funny shades of green and whatnot. Im still not insured so I cant get hospital care but I saw a clinic and they charged me 60$, and then I paid for the pills which were 35$. Closed to 100 quid for a dropped bit of metal on my stupid foot. Ill be wearing steel toed shoes from now forward.

There's a gal round the block that seems to think Im worth staring at when ever it is I walk by. Not sure why. Micah said something about a shillelagh but im not too shure i know what he meant.

Mum is improving a slight bit. Sent her a money-order last week should keep her for a time.

Mostly been spending my time haveing a pint in front of the tube or reading alot. I have picked up some books from a store up the road that sells them pre-read and cheap. Mostly books on war and science fiction books... stuff to keep me interested. Saving money makes going out to socialize impossible.
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Monday, January 17th, 2005

Time:6:44 pm.
So Im back, you fuckers. Im across the street from a library, and now that Liza's back I will be visiting. Sorry for the long absense but I have not had a computer and/or the time to post fuckall anywhere.

Mum is back doing not-so-well. Apparently the chemo is not working so well. She's not working anymore and shes constantly tired. Shes on so many meds it takes her five minutes of a phone conversation to figure out its me ringing her up.

On the up-side (or is it) I got a e-mail from Fiona about two weeks ago, and she's doing fine... says she misses me and wants to come up. I told her don't bother. I ain't going through that again. She werent happy but what can you do? I aint worrying about all that no more. Got enough on the plate.

Got tattooed by this fellow down the way a bit, its a pinup girl with a bottle of whiskey flippin you the bird. Prtty nice, if I do say. I also got my nose redone with a little silver ring. Like the good ol days. Im back cutting meat at a wop deli making good money. My mum's got enough to lasdt her a bit, so what I make for a time is actually for me. Still dont really get out all that much cause of the lack of a car... but a fellow at the ink shop told me hes got a pal with a truck up for about $300. If I can save it before the thing is gone, Ill pick that up. Then no more excuses.

Well, off to watch television. Hope you all have been well.
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Monday, August 16th, 2004

Subject:Eh.. back.
Time:7:47 pm.
I have managed to find my way back to Massachusetts... in case anyone left on here gives a toss.

Mum's doing ok. She's still working even tho the doc told her its not the best of ideas cause it tires her out so much. No way I could talk her out of it, tho.

The funeral for my cousin was short and misrable. It was raining as usual and there was only bout 10 people there. Most of my relatives seemed to have too much to do so we got alot of cards and flowers but not alot of presence. Kind of a shitty thing to do but it aint my business if they hold other things above family. Fer fucks saske I made it from the states and thats farther away than any of em.

I felt alot of the times it was me holdin things together here... that people only came about because I kept in touch. Now that has all dissolved and I feel detatched from em all... like Im not part of anyones family but my mum.

Im back to work Monday. I needed a few days or so to clear my brain of all the cobwebs and get some rest... I didnt sleep much over the last month or so. Still no word from Fiona, so Ive officially given up on that.

I have my own place now. Its a one room flat and pretty small but I dont have all too many possessions so its alright. I should buy a bed soon... the floor aint all that great for sleeping on every night.

I dont have a phone yet, and this is a library computer... so if anyone wants to talk... message me on here.

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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004

Subject:Turn the page again...
Time:7:25 pm.
Mood: confused.
She's gone.

Fiona's mother OD'ed on PCP last night and she's gone back to Nebraska for the funeral and all that. The world is better off without that woman in it, but you cant say that to someone who just lost their mum, ya know?

She told me that she had to step away from me for a while. I dont understand... I would have thought shed need me even more now... but I guess this is one of those times she just needs space instead.

I have to do some re-evaluating. Im sad shes gone but I can understand in a way why she went... and she said she still cared much for me, but just couldnt deal with the responsibility of a relationship at this time in her life. I guess most of it has to do with the abuse she suffered from her mother and now its over forever, but she still has no closure. Shell never get to tell her mother the damage shes done and her mother will never have the chance to care at all... not that I even think she might... but you never can tell, eh?

She says shes going to call me after shes there a bit and settled in, but Im not holding my breath... I have been disappointed too many times to risk it all over again.
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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

Time:5:37 pm.
Anyone going to Georgia in April?
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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004

Time:6:19 pm.
Mood: excited.
Im thinking of heading into Boston for a while on Thursday for maybe the afternoon to do some shopping. Fiona will be at work, so Im going to try and drive in. Anyone know where there is a good place to shop and/or a good place to park?
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Time:10:00 am.
I got a job as a driver for UPS. Fiona is working at a place called Market Basket. Hopefully well be able to move out of here soon... I hate imposing on people.

I have heard alot of shit coming out of Boston these days. People's houses getting attacked, people getting shot, people getting jumped and lying about it to trash talk the people who did it.

Im a bit of a ways off from Boston, but I live in MA now. Im hoping to fucking god this int going to be the way of things here... but if you need my help, Ill do what I can.
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Thursday, November 13th, 2003

Time:6:01 pm.
Mood: content.
Im thinking New England is the place to be. Were out in a town called Springfeild with a skin named Micah who has taken us in for a while. Im considering finding a job here so we can get a place. Only thing is its COLD as HELL here! Ill be updating more cause Micah has a computer and he told us we can use it as we like. I called my mum and shes happy for us. She sent us money a couple times to keep us going when we were getting low, so we owe her big if we ever make enough back to pay her.

Fiona is like a new person now that shes not around her mum anymore. Shes open and free and ten times more of everything I love about her.
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003

Time:3:49 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Im about a day away from Boston. Anyone know any good places to go? Were doing ok on funds, but cheaper is better, and I dont know where the Y is.

Ah the convenience of internet cafe's.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, October 6th, 2003

Time:1:00 am.
Mood: scared.
Me and Fiona are leaving here tomorrow. All our shit is in my vehicle. We are going to drive still we dont want to drive anymore. I may not be posting for a long time... I dont know when Ill get to use a computer. Were stopping a few times, but I want to go back to the East Coast and she wants to go with me. We barely have any money.. a grand between us I think... I dont know how far well get. Wish us luck. We leave in the morning.
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Friday, September 26th, 2003

Subject:Son of a bitch.
Time:11:17 am.
Mood: uncomfortable.
Last night Fiona was by here crying. I guess she walked all the way from her house, which had to have taken her about 2 hours. I dont know why she didnt call... but I guess things are really bad with her mother, and so I asked here if anyone would mind her staying for a time, till all that was sorted out. No objections so she dropped her bag downstairs in my little shitehole basement apartment and put her toothbrush in the cup next to mine.

I wish she was here under good circumstances, but it seems right now she doesnt have any other choice. The bruises on her neck and back told a story for themselves. (Must have been doing it forever to know not to leave marks on her face) She says shes okay but she just looks tired all the time. She offered my mum rent money if she has to stay longer than whats acceptable, but my mum refused. Im glad I come from good people. My mum made her tea with huney and we sat in the living room just letting Fiona calm down. Im worried about her but I think its best for her to be here, where I can take care of her and make her feel better. I wanted to go over there and beat the woman senseless, give her a taste of her own medicine, but Fiona talked me out of it. I promised her I wouldnt do anything, but if she leaves here to go home and this happenes again the deal's off.

I hate people that hit other people for no other reason than to make them feel subjugated. (Haha big word for such a small mind... thank you Roget's Thesaurus). Im going to do everything in my power to talk her into staying here. Ill even go get her stuff for her so she doesnt have to deal with her mother.

Id do anything for this girl and I barely know her. This is how I was with Jamie. I better not get screwed again.
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Thursday, September 18th, 2003

Subject:I finally snapped today.
Time:11:17 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
Jamie came by, on the premise that she had to drop off $10 she owed me (from when and what, I dont know). I was fine to see her at the door but she muscled her way in, and sat down on the couch. So I ask her what the fuck her problem was, and she starts all this crying bullshit about how shes not happy with Tim (the hippy fuck so-and-so) and she made a mistake and this that and the other... So I told her fine, Ill accept her admission she made a mistake, but Im not taking her back. She cried harder and started begging, got up and put her arms around me and tried hugging me and kissing on me and shit, all blubbering and being a pain in the ass. Normally Id give in. I mean, I was so destroyed when she left... but I DIDN'T. I told her to get the fuck off me, that her whining game wasnt going to work and that she needed to leave. She sobbed harder, I raised my voice and tried to get away from her.

Then she lost it and started yelling at me, telling me I dont deserve her and that I was lucky she came back to talk to me after she came over here and found that "slut" in the house.

I fucking lost it right back at her.

I pushed her off me and onto the couch and told her she was never ever to speak that way about Fiona again, that she was a fucking whore who deserved everything that happened to her and that it was her own stupidity that got her into the mess she was in and nothing more.

Then I told her to get the fuck out of my house, to never come back and slime up my doorstep (yes, those were my exact words) ever again and to lose my goddamned number cause I am DONE with her shit.

The look on her face.. oh my fucking god it was priceless. It was like someone just whapped her in the mouth with a 2X4 but the shock of it still held the pain at bay. She said nothing, got up, and walked out the door.

Fiona is taking me out to diner to celebrate. I have not felt this good since... I dont know when.
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Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Time:5:56 pm.
Mood: enraged.
So Jamie calls today. Fiona answers, cause she stayed here last night.

Jamie calls her a slut, they argue on the phone, all while I am in the shower. I get out, Jamie is at the door and Fiona is going to let her in (or go outside) for some fisticuffs. I try and diffuse the situation. Jamie calls me an asshole, tells Fiona shes my girlfriend, and that Im a cheating lying bastard. (?!) Fiona gets pissed at me for all of about... oh 1/2 second, then starts flipping out on Jamie and screaming at her that she knows the situation, and that Jamie is the cheating lying bastard. Hahah.. I still dont know what exactly was said on the phone but it got Jamie riled enough to drive to my house.

The situation ended with Fiona grabbing the baseball bat I keep by the door and brandishing it at Jamie, chasing her back to her car, and telling her next time she came around trying to disrupt our peaceful afternoon, Jamie would catch the brunt of it.

Now what the fuck? Why cant this girl leave me be? She doesnt love me anymore, shes with that other guy... and now she wants to start crap for no reason with Fiona... just BECAUSE?

Fucking CUNT. I hate her so much it makes me SICK. She cant let me be happy. Its like there is something in her DNA that makes her want to see me miserable. FUCK. Its not working. I wont let it. I care for Fiona too much, and she knows it, too.

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Thursday, September 11th, 2003

Time:12:53 am.
Mood: cranky.
Will someone PLEASE clue the dumb sots I work for in on the fact that you cant schedule a bloke for more than 12 hours in a day working heavy bladed machinery without taking the risk of him cutting off a limb?

Christ on a crutch. Arseholes.

Fiona is asleep right now on my bed/futon. She has a tattoo on her back of a winged heart that stretches across her shoulders... and says "HOPE" underneath in a banner. Watching it move as she breathes makes me forget... everything.

Work tomorrow at 5am. Sleep will come easy, I think.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, September 5th, 2003

Subject:She sent me flowers today.
Time:12:57 am.
Mood: giddy.
Can you believe all that?! And not roses... but some kind of purple iris things and some white lilies.

AND she sent them to my work.

She sent a card with em saying she thought theyd brighten my day. Haha well when I got em I had cow blood all over the front of me, and had been in and out of a fridge all day, so I needed a bit o brightening.

Ahhhh seeing her this weekend. Taking her to the farmers market. Going to buy fresh stuff to make salsa and guac with, then come back and make fajitas.

Cant fuckin wait.
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003

Time:10:43 pm.
Mood: amused.
So I saw one of the boneheads that jumped me not long ago. How'd I know it was him, you ask?

Well, me and Fiona were heading thru downtown looking in all the shops and talking and she notices this asshole staring at me from a bus stop across the street, looking like hes kinda chuckling to himself and nudging this dirty crust kid on the bench next to him (mind you my nose still has a bandage on it, so it aint hard to see I got beatin up). So I asked her would she be pissed if I took care of my business with her around, or did she want me to wait till she was not with me, and she said "Go for it. Kill the asshole." (My kinda byrd. Haha.) So I walk up to him, and say:

"Something funny?"

And he replies with half a snide comment about beating my ass before I uppercutted him from his sitting position, and knocked him backwards clear off the bench and on to the ground. Out.

Crusty stood up... started saying he didnt know the guy and he didnt have a beef with me ('course not you fag HAHA) and I told him to fucking scram. He did. Fiona spit on him cause he was starting to move his head a little... and then we walked away and left him there with all these people standing around staring slackjawed HAHAH...

One down 3 to go... and Fiona said she wants to help next time. Hahah...
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003

Time:8:38 pm.
Mood: optimistic.
Well, I think I redeemed myself.

I bought her some daisies and picked her up to go out Saturday. Wore my best, shined my boots, the whole deal... cropped my head too for the occasion. Her mum was screaming at her when she came out, and started to follow her to the car. She got in and slammed the door and I didnt even wait for her to tell me to go, I just drove off. She explained her mum was drunk and high and that she was sorry and really embarrassed that I had to see all that, but I told her it was ok. I mean, its not her fault, right? I thought she was going to cry, so I went behind the seat and got the flowers to give to her, and she blushed and smiled and I could tell it was hard for her not to start sobbing, 99% because of embarrassment. I swear to god Ill never do that to my kids.

So we went to the Hearthside for dinner, and talked about records and such. She said I looked nice, I told her she looked amazing and she blushed... and I thanked her for giving me another chance to prove Im not a dumb oaf. Dinner was great, then we went mini golfing and took a drive to the lake to watch the water for a little while... tho we wound up sitting in the car cause the skeetos were so bad.

I didnt drop anything, I didnt spill anything, and I didnt inadvertently insult her. She really didnt want to go home after (on account of her mum being blotto and prolly still being up if she wasnt past out) so I told her would be no big thing if she slept on the couch at my house for the night, and she did.

Got up Sunday and she was still sleeping. Made her pan-cakes and bacon and coffee and OJ and she woke up when she smelled it. She told me all about her home life over breakfast, which is really really REALLY bad... and how her mums a junkie and an alkie and how she aint seen her dad since she was a little one. No brothers or sisters, just a crazy mum and a job that dont pay her enough to move away. Made me real sad to see a sweet gal like that living the way she does....

Took her home later on and her mum wasnt there, which was a good thing, and she gave me a kiss goodbye and a big hug thank you (for listening and all that) and I pretty much floated all the way home.

I think I like her. Im not over Jamie, and I knw thats going to take time, but I think she may be what helps me do it.

All of a sudden I start living up to my name. Hah.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 16th, 2003

Subject:I dont know what to think about this...
Time:12:30 am.
Mood: curious.
I got this in my email box today. I don't know what to think about it... Is this guy wanting us to do something or... what?

Plus, hes sending this to WP types too. Is he expecting them to side with him?


Date: Sun, 10 Aug 2003 22:33:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: The State Of The Skinhead Movement
To: nukethecrusties@aol.com, billydcullins1979@yahoo.com,
afireinside004@msn.com, noize_for_the_boys7782@hotmail.com,
barhero2@hotmail.com, oihooligan84@yahoo.com, skinheadoi6@aol.com,
resortbootboyct@aol.com, emoskinhead@aol.com,
skinheadjustice@hotmail.com, allthewaytoglory@aol.com,
deadheros77@yahoo.com, shortlitfuse@aol.com, oi_beer_oi@yahoo.com,
mikey@skrewdriver.cc, tradskin66@aol.com, brokenpuzzle@aol.com,
csaskinhead@hotmail.com, boot_boi_78@yahoo.com,
oi_to_the_world69@hotmail.com, bootboysrevenge@hotmail.com,
businessskins@hotmail.com, dirtybyrdhater@aol.com,
austin_skingirl@yahoo.com, ipoisonedpurityl@aol.com,
inkedkitten@hotmail.com, acalmriot@aol.com, workinclaslass@yahoo.com,
workinclasslass@yahoo.com, skingirlsarah@mail.com
CC: patrioticskinusa@usa.com

Guess what boys & girls , there is a war brewing . And unlike anytime before in the history of the skinhead movement , this one is real and people are going to get hurt . Let me give you all the basic rundown of whats going on and what is GOING to happen :

Hammerskins : The Baltimore chapter of the Eastern Hammerskins will be hosting this years Hammerfest on September 23rd in Baltimore . They will have in attendance at this concert members of the following groups : Confederate Hammerskins (from several states) , Northern Hammerskins , Midland Hammerskins , British Hammerskins , National Alliance members , Aryan Nations Knights , National Socialist Movement , Keystone Stae Skinheads (KSS) , The West Virginia Skinhead , Hoosier State Skinheads (former Outlaw Hammerskins) & tons of independant racist skins from all over the country along with klan groups and reps from Resistance Records & Panzerfaust Records . These guys are planning on revenging the beating they took last year at the hands of several anti racists .

ARA/SHARP/REDSKINS : These groups are planning a demonstration against any and all of the skins in attendance . They were just recently clued in to whats happening and the welcome they will probably recieve when they show up .

NOW , let me clue you all in as to exactly what this means for all skinheads and the state of the skinhead movement in this country .

Now , I have no love lost for the homoskins.....errrrr , I meant Hammerskins , MY BAD !!!
These useless pieces of shit have run hundreds of true kinheads out of the movement forever with their bullshit and their rediculous antics . These walking douchebags act like the lowlifes they claim they hate by gang jumping and smear campaigning anyone on their side they they feel could be a threat to their ase of power within the white power community . Now , if they arent kicking members out for being on drugs or findiing out some of their strongest brothers suck dick on their time off , these lowlifes find no problem outnumbering and attacking one man or women or in the case of some hammer chapters , beating up younger (16 and under) kids for their flights or docs . Let me tell you , that is some impressive bullshit.....if they were 12 or 13 .

ARA = Anti Racist Action , AFA = Anti Fascist Action. These cumguzzling dragqueens are notoriously gay and communist . These pieces of shit are fullblooded anarchists and communists and support the overthrow of our government ( no matter how corrupt it is , its still OUR government ) and wish to have us all follow their set of whims and wishes . These dumb fucks also dont seem to realize that fascism DOESNT involve racism , national socialism and fascism are 2 totally different things ( dont believe me , look em up in a dictionary ) . I could give a flying fuck about either one , but to claim you are against something without understanding it fully is full blown retarded . These scumbag little rich college kids claim they are working class and follow all principles of communism , which I will prove a little later .

SHARP = SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice . Supposedly the exact opposite of the nazis , just as annoying but very few have any balls at all . I have watched more motherfuckers over the years pull their patches of their jackets while they stood there and did nothing . Real skins...let me tell ya ( can you smell that.....i think its sarcasm ) . I have just recently found out that mot members of SHARP are also card carrying members of the following groups : ARA , RASH and AFA . This wouldnt be anything notable , except for the fact that all of those groups are communist and anarchist .

RASH = These cocksuckers , I would like to spill their fucking blood in the streets . RASH stands for RED & ANARCHIST SKIN HEADS . These part time members of NAMBLA ( North American Man / Boy Love Association = yes , they advocate fucking little boys ) act like skins , dress like skins , claim they are skins , but most are usually gay and are into the fashion as they like being fucked by other "skins" . These pillowbiters dont even try to hide their hatred for our country , our goverment and for those of us that have the balls to stand up and say we are proud of our country and show our patrriotism . I hate these fucks with ever fiber of my being and will gladly oblige any of them at any point should they be careless enough to call me into the street .

Racism is not politics !!! I could give 2 flying fucks less who hates who , why they hate them or any other bullshit like that . I love my country . On my mothers side of my family , i have relatives that came over on the Mayflower , i have relatives that fought in very war this country has had . I have always been and will always be proud of my country , my heritage and my land . I have been proud of my country at times for years when i was mocked and called a redneck (usually by communo-anarchist college kids...who almost always got the beatings of their fucking lives) . I was proud of my country years before we went to Iraq (either time ) , before 9/11 before I even became a skin . I was raised as a military brat and and love my father for installing patriotic pride in my heart . he showed me that no matter how much I disagreed with the politics , I should always love my country .

I make no bones about my background .I have been a skin since late 84 / early 85 . I was brought in by my sisters boyfriend . I was taught about skinhead history , the way of life , the music , the style , the taking-no-shit-from-anyone-for-any-reason . I was beat in SEVERELY and years later I see why this was common practice for years before the scene started getting weak . I have been betrayed over the years by bth nazis and unitys/anti racist skins . I watched a thriving and ultra patriotic American Skinhead movement go down in flames as both antis and nazis DEMANDED that we pick a side (even though we were never trads) . We just didnt care , we had our own agenda and it didnt involve dealing with the ISSUE of racism , either for or against .

What is going to happen when these factions go to war is the total annihalation of the skinhead movement in this country . If the general public didnt view us all as pieces of shit before , they are damn sure going to after you have 2 groups of idiots take to the streets and swing wildly at each other ( and probably wont connect with a hit but 1 out of every 10 times ) . For those patriotic skinheads out there need to do is take up the banner of the American Skinhead and wave that motherfucker proudly . We need to motivate and take to the streets people . Its our decision to either sit back and watch our way of life be wiped out or to stand proud and not fucking back down from our pride and from either of those 2 sets of idiots .

Let me set this record straight , The ARA & AFA do not concern me . They are confused little rich kids that usually drop out after a year as they tend to lose focus after repeated months of drug abuse , also , i have nothing against their goals , just their beliefs . HOWEVER , RASH is exactly like what their name stands for.....irritating , obnoxious and when treated with the right medicine( a fucking curb smiley ) , they disappear !! How any of you could find out these openly communist and anarchistic pieces of shit exist and that not bother you would amaze me to know fucking end . The time is now people to get up off your asses and start acting like fucking skinheads . Take to the streets and spread the American Skinhead way . Fuck the shirts , patches , the music and all that . Our pride and determination need to be what drives us . I am not looking for anyone to follow me or kiss my ass , I want solid skinhead brothers and sisters willing to work ALONG SIDE ME AND OTHERS and build our way of life and our national pride back up . If your willing to work your asses off for something real , drop me a line , if all your going to do is try to argue points with me , go fuck yourself !!! I dont have the time , energy or patience to deal with whining pussies . Here are some informative things and links you all might not have known/known about

Commie Bands

Hudson Falcons - an openly communist band
Stage Bottles - another openly communist band
Fighting Chance - bigtime commie band

Communist Record Label

Communist Orgs



RASH scumbags = redskins.fightcapitalism.net ( please go to this site and see what I have been telling you all about )

good idea , too bad they are all communist pieces of shit = www.onepeoplesproject.com



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Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

Time:11:42 am.
Mood: contemplative.
Fiona called today. :D

Didn't try to come up with a lame excuse why she didnt call, either. Just said after our date she didnt know what to think... then realised I didnt fuck it up on purpose and felt like a cunt for not calling, so she did.

Of course I apologized. I mean, it was a pretty miserable date...


...I guess she likes clumsy assholes, cause we're going out again this weekend. Any fellows out there have any advice on how NOT to jack this one up? (besides not being me... I cant help that one.) Now Im not looking for the usual flowers and candy cheesiness... I just want to take her out so she will have a good time, and so I can redeem myself.

Help. Please?
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